Our brain takes in tons of information every single day. From sounds and facial expressions to body language and tone of voice, it’s nonstop input. Only a small part of all that actually reaches your conscious awareness. Most of it gets processed quietly in the background.
Even though you might not realize it, your brain is still paying attention. It stores and sorts those subtle clues, and when something feels a little off, maybe someone’s smile doesn’t match their eyes, or their tone doesn’t line up with their words–your brain picks up on it. When enough of those small, subconscious red flags stack up, that’s when you get that gut feeling.
How Your Brain and Feelings Work Together
Neurons fire when they get enough input over time. Once they hit their “go” point–called activation potential, they send out an electrical signal. That signal jumps across thousands of little pathways (called axons and terminals) almost instantly, causing a chemical reaction.
These inputs, built up over time, lead to a moment when your brain says, “This matters.” That’s when a conscious thought forms–like your brain going, “Hmm, I feel something about this person.”
Now, the psychological side: Your feelings and how you handle them shape how you judge that person. Feelings themselves are like neuron firings–they just happen, often outside your control.
They’re influenced by your upbringing, attachment style, even genetics. But how you process those feelings? That’s where your learned thinking comes in. You can train that part. { Healthy way of thinking}
Should You Always Trust Your Gut?
Your gut is reactive, doesn’t overthink things, and doesn’t care about logic. Sure, it’s good to listen to that instinct, sometimes it picks up on things your brain misses.
I meet people all the time who ignore facts, dismiss reason, and just go with their gut….when really, they’re being driven by emotions they don’t fully get or think are more important than reality.
Gut feelings can be useful, they’re like mental shortcuts that help us decide fast. But they’re not perfect. They can be biased, based on fear, past experiences, or just plain wrong. If you always follow your gut without questioning it, you might miss out on better choices or even make big mistakes.
Sometimes, your gut can steer you wrong, especially in love, if you’ve been through traumatic relationships. It’s not that your instincts are broken, but past pain can confuse your inner signals.
You might feel drawn to intense emotions and mistake that nervous flutter for excitement. But here’s the truth: fear and excitement feel the same in your body. That racing heart, those butterflies, it could be your trauma responding, not love.
Healthy relationships will seem boring and your gut will be quiescent giving you a sense of boredom. Does that mean you should be with a boring person?
No, but it does mean you should be in a boring relationship, as in the relationship itself isn’t a source of excitement/fear.
The person themselves should make you sort of gently smile and make you want to be the best version of yourself, not mold yourself to their desires. It takes a LOT of internal work to overcome that pattern, often with the help of a therapist, but it’s worth it when you do.
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Alice Mosunmola is the Managing Editor at intimatemindhub.com, where she leads the charge in making sure our content is thoughtful, accurate, and true to our mission. She works closely with our amazing team of psychology and mental wellness writers, helping shape stories that inform, inspire, and empower our readers..
She is the author of two books: Shine as You Are: Breaking Free from Body Shame, The Unspoken Want: Breaking Free from Sexual Shame
It’s accessible in most regions on Amazon
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