Somewhere along the way, society blurred the line between simple admiration and sexual desire. It’s completely natural to notice someone’s beauty, to find someone attractive without wanting anything more.

That’s part of human nature. We admire sunsets, art, and music without needing to possess or consume them. So why not people?

The problem is, media–especially the porn industry has distorted that natural instinct. It’s pushed the idea that if you find someone attractive, you must want to sleep with them.

Porn and social media definitely play a role, but the issue runs deeper. In my country, healthy sex education is practically nonexistent. My own sex ed class was basically just a slideshow of STDs with a warning: “Don’t have sex until you’re married.”

So where are people supposed to learn how to explore their sexuality in a healthy way? Where do they learn about consent, boundaries, and safe sex? The truth is, they don’t.

Our culture shames sexual expression, labels women as sluts, and turns male sexuality into a numbers game. Most kids learn about sex from other kids who are just as clueless, long before they ever get “the talk”, if they get it at all.

We’re a society suffering from chronic sexual repression. It’s no wonder people confuse admiration with desire. Yes, porn and social media feed into it, but the problem was baked into the culture long before the Internet ever logged on. { Admire vs Desire }

The Lost Art of Platonic Appreciation

Historically, cultures celebrated beauty in all forms, poetry praised lovers from afar, Renaissance art immortalized human elegance, and philosophy pondered aesthetics.

Today, we’ve lost the language of disinterested admiration–the ability to appreciate beauty without craving ownership.

Why this matters: When we can’t separate attraction from conquest, every interaction becomes charged with unspoken expectations. A colleague’s stylish outfit, a stranger’s smile, or a friend’s confidence gets filtered through a lens of “Do they want me?” instead of “That’s captivating.”

The Pornification of Everyday Glances

Pornography didn’t just sexualize sex, it sexualized attention itself. Key distortions:

<> The “Camera Gaze” Effect: Real-world interactions now mimic porn’s framing, where looking = lusting.

<> The Compliment Gap: “You’re stunning” is assumed to mean “I want you” rather than “I acknowledge your radiance.”

<> Beauty as Bait: Media trains us to see attractiveness as an invitation rather than a neutral trait.

Case in point: Studies show men overestimate women’s sexual interest by 300% when exposed to hypersexualized media. This misreading fuels harassment and alienation.

The Consequences of This Mindset

This hypersexualized perspective has real-world consequences:

<> Unnecessary Sexualization – People can’t compliment others without being accused of ulterior motives.

<> Miscommunication – Genuine admiration is mistaken for flirtation, leading to awkward or even dangerous misunderstandings.

<> Emotional Detachment – When every interaction is viewed through a sexual lens, deeper connections become harder to form.

Imagine if we applied this logic to other forms of beauty. If someone says, “That mountain view is breathtaking,” does it mean they want to have sex with the mountain? The absurdity highlights how warped our thinking has become.

 The Emotional Tax of Constant Sexual Assumptions

The fallout of this mindset is exhausting:

<> Women: Being treated as “always on the menu”, professional compliments dissected for hidden desire, friendships questioned.

<> For Men: Pressure to perform attraction even when they just admire someone intellectually or aesthetically.

<> For Everyone: A world where beauty = liability, not joy.

Example: A 2023 study found 68% of women avoid dressing attractively at work to preempt unwanted advances proof that admiration’s corruption limits freedom.

What We Lose When Beauty Isn’t Allowed to Just Be

When every admiring glance gets sexualized, we sacrifice:

<> Creative Energy: Sexual tension hijacks focus from collaboration.

<> Authentic Connection: Friendships across genders grow rarer.

<> Personal Power: People hide their beauty to avoid hassle.

Contrast: In Japan, the concept of “mitate” (seeing beauty in imperfection) celebrates appreciation without possession a mindset we’ve eroded.

Reclaiming the Purity of Admiration

We need to reset our cultural mindset. Here’s how:

<> Separate admiration from expectation – Just because you find someone attractive doesn’t mean you’re obligated to pursue them.

<> Normalize non-sexual appreciation – Compliments should be allowed without assumptions.

<> Question media narratives – Recognize how porn and pop culture have shaped our perceptions and push back against unhealthy norms.

Beauty doesn’t have to be possessive. We can admire someone the way we admire a storm, powerful, mesmerizing, but from a respectful distance. { How to Stop Carrying Other People’s Cruelty in Your Heart }